The Chosen idiot's chosen journal
by Hinny-Always
Summary: Basically Harry's sixth year diary. Slightly ooc with addition of a bit of stuff. Give it a try, not as bad as you think it might be. A little bit fluffy. HPGW RWHG.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and never will, this is written for the sole purpose of entertainment. The plot is also owned by JK, I am just using her HBP plot to put things in a different way.**

**A/N: This is my first time doing any diary series. I have read many of these, but they were mostly either Ron's or Ginny's. The dates here could be a bit mixed up because for most of the events dates aren't exactly clear. But anyway even with the lack of my knowledge hope you might like this fic. And yes, you might find Harry here a bit ooc. **

**The chosen Idiot's chosen journal**

**This diary named 'The chosen idiot's chosen journal' is the property of Harry James Potter.****  
****A.K.A the Chosen One  
also known as the boy who lived**

**July 1: **  
I do not know if I should be doing introductions with a diary seeing that you are just a- _diary_. I do hope this is no such thing as Tom Riddle's diary. But well since you haven't written anything back I suppose writing stuff here would be safe- _or_? Anyway I guess I should just ask Hermione to just check this diary if this is anything other than a normal diary.**  
**  
But the point is- Hermione is not here; neither is Ron. If they would have been here, I don't think I would ever have any need of you. I just need someone or something to listen to stuff. Seeing as I can't talk to 'someone' here in the muggle world, I guess I just need to rely upon 'something'.

Anyway, I just need to shout my frustration and anger. My life is not nice at all. Having your godfather murdered by his psychotic cousin is not a nice thing. Especially if he is the only known, proper and caring family you have. And somehow knowing that his death is your fault is not at all a nice feeling. It just kills my insides. It is my fault that Cedric died, my fault that Sirius died. I even feel it is my fault that my parents had to die.

I know, people say it is not my fault. But every time I think about it- it just feels that I could have made a difference and people could have been alive. If Ron or Hermione hear me talking like this, Ron might laugh straight at my face saying I am stupid and Hermione might give one of her looks saying 'are-you-mental?'

May be I should talk with someone else, or may be no one at all. It is best if I just keep these thoughts with me. I know deep down that whatever has happened will not change anything between me and my friends. But still a pessimistic thought just stays there telling that when they know about the prophecy-

That's right. That blasted prophecy that changed my entire life. It is not some prophecy stating that I will be the next minister of magic or telling that this person here is the reincarnation of Merlin. To put it in simple words- it's either I have to kill or be killed by the same person. I know it is horrible. Who wants to kill anyone and be heralded with the title of the murderer even if it is for killing a psychotic killer?

I don't know what to do anymore. I just feel people whom I love and people near to me are taken away. If because of me something happens to Ron or Hermione, I will never be able to forgive myself. That is the reason why I am avoiding those two these days. They have sent me some letters but I haven't sent any reply at all.

Even Mrs Weasley has sent a letter asking about how I am and what I am doing. I feel really guilty about not responding to her letter. But I guess I just have to drift away from them so that at least they remain safe. It is not only once that I have put Ron or Hermione in danger. It was because of me that Ginny was in danger- not just once. She fought in the ministry last year. And her first year, only one word could explain it- 'terrible'.

Anyway I am going to go to sleep now. I don't want any more troubles with the Dursleys for what it is worth. So- good night.

**July 5:**  
Ugh… my ears are throbbing. It's a wonder really, that the Dursleys haven't given me any more extra punishment than they usually should have. Well that's my life.

Anyway, back to the point. As you know I hadn't been writing to the Weasleys, and by doing so I pissed a Weasley. Note for future: never ever piss a Weasley. Oh no, I am not talking about Molly Weasley. It is her daughter, sweet quiet Ginny. I should have known she is not really quiet after seeing her last year. Appearances can be deceptive!

Back to the point, _again. _So I was ignoring the letters from Weasleys and Hermione. Pig came swooping down the window and dropped the parcel into my lap. As I saw it, I realised what it was- _'a howler'._

Wondering what exactly happened now, I opened the letter. My heart sank. My ears throbbed. The door banged open, and uncle Vernon- well I will not go into those details. It's the usual. 'What is this boy?'; 'This is my house.', 'more chores.' Oh well! You get the point.

But anyway here is the letter;

HARRY BLOODY POTTER! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? NOT ONE RUDDY LETTER IS SENT BACK TO US. EVERY EFFING PERSON HERE IS WORRIED. WHEN WILL YOU GET INTO THAT THICK HEAD OF YOURS THAT THE WHOLE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU AND EVERY SINGLE BAD THING THAT HAS HAPPENED IS NOT YOUR FAULT!

I KNOW VERY WELL WHY YOU ARE AVOIDING US! EVERYONE HERE KNOWS. YOU ARE GOING AND THINKING THAT IF YOU STAY AWAY FROM US, NOTHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO US. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING THEN, 'YOU ARE WRONG.' VOLDEMORT KNOWS HOW CLOSE YOU ARE TO OUR FAMILY AND WE ARE BLOOD-TRAITORS FOR GOD'S SAKE. HE IS GOING TO KILL US EVEN IF YOU WANT TO STAY AWAY AND PROTECT US! (*snort) IT IS THE SAME THING WITH HERMIONE TOO… SHE IS A MUGGLE BORN! MUDBLOOD IN THEIR EYES. IF WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE HURT, WE WILL BE HURT NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO! GET THAT IN THAT THICK HEAD OF YOURS.

We need you Harry. We all do. And don't deny the fact that you need us too. You can't let him rule your life Harry. You need to live your life and honour the memories of those who died for you. Now like a good boy take a parchment and a quill and write letters to everyone whom you have ignored these past few days. I know you probably will send me a howler back for shouting at you. But guess what? I DON'T CARE! At least you would have written to us. I will wait no longer than tomorrow morning for your letter here. If you don't, then well let's just say your ears won't be in a proper condition.

Bye.

Bye. BYE! She gives me an earful and says a BYE? But well she is right. I should not let my living depend on Voldemort. That was what the prophecy said, '_for neither can live while the other survives.' _I am just surviving now; I need to live my life. For me to defeat him, I just should not survive but _live. _Live to life's fullest extent. Then, I guess I will just write my letters now. I don't want an ear-splitting howler tomorrow.

But I must say, once again Ginny Weasley has put some sense into my brain. Thank you Ginny.

**July 7**:  
Thanks to Ginny that I have been writing to the Weasleys and Hermione and feel a lot better. I should have known better than to ignore them. They are my real family. Now I feel a lot lot better. I have been writing to Ginny too. She writes a lot of funny stuff. In the last letter she said something about Ron reading Hermione's letter in private and getting a goofy grin. She teases him mercilessly. Wow! Ron and Hermione together. I wonder if they are keeping a secret from me. It will be too easy to figure out though. Those two are too obvious. I am sure Malfoy too knows how they feel about each other. I wonder when their 'dancing around each other' will stop.

Just this afternoon I got a letter from Dumbledore! He said that he would be coming to pick me up so he can take me back to the Weasleys. He also mentioned about needing some assistance. I am very eagerly looking forward to this Friday. I can be away from the Dursleys just after being with them for a fortnight. I will also get to celebrate my birthday with the Weasleys! And hopefully Hermione will be there too. And I wish Remus, Tonks, Mad-eye, Siri-….

I still want him with me and I will not deny it. It still hurts thinking about him. But I will try to get over it, because he would want me to live a happy life. And I will try my best to do it.

And of course I have written about Dumbledore's letter to both Ron and Hermione, and both of them seem excited about me going with Dumbledore. They have been speculating stuff. Ron thinks that it is some kind of supercool-secret-mission.

Oh well! I am just looking forward to this Friday.

**July 13:  
**Too many things have happened here. I am right now at the burrow, sleeping in Ron's room and writing this. I actually didn't ask Hermione to check you considering I have been safe with you for about 2 weeks. And I can't stand Hermione giving me looks. Am not too sure what looks she would give, but I don't even want anyone to read this. Just seen the name I have given you? '**The Chosen Idiot's Chosen journal'**. Yeah, that's how twisted I am. They have been calling me 'The chosen one' these days, like as if 'The boy who lived' was not enough. I just feel like snorting at my names. Just imagine if by some mind blowing miracle I did defeat Voldemort, what are they going to call me? My life would be a nightmare.

Anyway, back to the point. I seem to be deviating too much. Dumbledore arrived yesterday night at 11 p.m. at privet drive. He spoke about Sirius' will. It so happens that I have inherited Grimmauld place. And my unfortunate-living-soul also has the ownership of Kreature. I really don't know what I did to deserve this life. Anyway, I told Dumbledore that he could use Grimmauld as the headquarters and I sent Kreature to work in Hogwarts kitchen. Probably Dobby will put some sense into him- _or not. _

And later Dumbledore and I left private drive to meet this old colleague of Dumbledore. His name was- uh- oh yeah! 'Horace Slughorn'. He looks a bit like a Walrus really. Dumbledore says that ministry is littered with Slughorn's old favourites. And according to Dumbledore I was helpful in persuading Slughorn. Something tells me that Dumbledore didn't want Slughorn just for the teaching job. He also seems to think that Voldemort is trying to get Slughorn or something. I must tell you when we went into the house; he had transformed himself into an armchair. It was quite impressive.

Then after me supposedly 'persuading Slughorn', Dumbledore and I came to the burrow. Tonks was there too. But then she left just after we came. And after Dumbledore too left, Mrs Weasley gave me soup and bread. She then said that Mr Weasley has been promoted. It also happens to be that the twins are having a nice business at the joke shop. Good to know. I was supposed to be sleeping in their room as they are living in their flat in Diagon Alley. I was so exhausted that I slept as soon as I hit the bed.

And today morning I was greeted by Ron punching me. _Thanks Ronald. _Ron and Hermione both came to talk to me. I was so happy to see them. Hermione was behaving a bit carefully around me. I don't really think I can accuse her for that though.

I told them about the prophecy. Well, they were surprised. I also told them about Slughorn. It so happens that Bill and Fleur are engaged and are getting married next summer. And supposedly Fleur is staying at the Burrow, much to the annoyance of the ladies here. Apparently Ron still has his little crush over her.

I am sure Ginny hates Fleur like hell. Apparently because she treats Ginny like a five-year old. Or maybe she is just a bit- _nagging_? But knowing Ginny, she does not like being treated like a child. Since after her first year people are extra careful around her and act like as if she is a porcelain doll. May be that is exaggerating. But with six brothers, you have to fight for stuff. (That is what I learn from the way Ron behaves).

And today, Ginny was just different. I can't exactly pin-point it, but just- it was weird. I don't know what exactly I am rambling. She looks pretty much the same; I mean it was only about a fortnight since I saw her. I don't know, may be because she was so- _lively?_ I don't know why I never noticed it but, her hair- well what happened was, Mrs Weasley called Ginny back and she didn't want to go. But then before going she just kind of imitated Fleur and she tossed her hair behind. That's when I noticed it, her red hair caught the sunlight and the way the sunlight reflected, her hair was just like gold. I have seen so many times Ron's hair reflect sunlight, I mean- It was just so different than all other Weasleys. It looked really- _beautiful. _I just felt like-

Why do I feel I sound sappy and mushy?

Anyway, after she left Ron and Hermione said that they thought Tonks was guilty because of Siri- Sirius' death. I really don't know how she ever worked that one out. Hermione said something about her fighting Bellatrix, but it's just rubbish. Completely mental if you ask me.

But after that our O.W.L results arrived. I was happy that I had done well. Hermione was so nervous and shaking that she actually shook her whole owl. If I weren't a bit nervous myself, I would have found the whole thing funny. I did pretty well, if I say so myself. I got an O in DADA. I failed divination and history of magic, not that I cared. I got 7 O. . I was happy, just a twinge of regret about potions though. I just got an E. I guess I can't be an auror anymore.

Ron too got 7 O. , but no O's and Hermione- she got 10 owls. I am sure Ron was right. She got O's in everything except DADA. She got an E. I am sure she was disappointed because- _she is Hermione._I suppose that explains a lot.

And now Ron is calling me for a game of Quidditch. Gotta go bye.

Blimey I am surely going barmy telling bye to a diary.

**July 20: **  
I know I haven't written anything in over a week, but there was nothing much to write; Jus t the usual holiday stuff. Hermione makes Ron, Ginny (even her!) and me sit and do our holiday homework; Just the usual essays. Really, Hermione should become a teacher. She will be the next McGonagall.

When Hermione is not exactly watching over us do stuff, Ginny makes funny faces at her. Today it was so funny that I couldn't control my laugh. Thankfully for me Ron got there first.

Hermione got so pissed that Ron was not paying attention and not doing any work that she gave him an earful. In the end Ron just kept glaring at Ginny and me. Ginny pretended to whisper in my ear but audible enough for both of them to listen and said, "Are they going to snog already?" Both Ron and Hermione _listening _this turned bright red. And Hermione didn't even tell us off for talking. She was blissfully pretending that nothing had happened at all. Funny really, I wonder how it would be if my two best friends fell for each other. But what if they do fall for each other and I will be an outcast? What if I am shut out for good?

Something in my brain, always keeps sending me negative thoughts. It is like, something that is not a part of me tells these stuff. But I know, Ron and Hermione are my friends and they will never shut me out. Sure, they may want to spend more time with each other but they will never ever ignore me. I know that.

Look at me, talking like this is the end of the world. They have not yet gotten together. But when they do (I know they do), I will be prepared for it.

Oh well, most of my homework is done today. I am going with Ron to de-gnome the garden now. See you later.

I am barmy.

**July 25: **  
Yeah, again we are doing nothing much at all. Thankfully, all our homeworks are done. So most of the time, we just play Quidditch or De-gnome the garden. And Hermione, she keeps reading books. I wonder how much she can fill in that brain of hers.

But since only three of us can't play Quidditch we had to beg Hermione to play. She would not listen to us at all. In the end Ron somehow managed to convince her. It was two on two. Just keepers and chasers.

Ron and Ginny were a team, which left me with Hermione. Don't get me wrong but I love Hermione like an elder sister I never had, but she is horrible at Quidditch. Add me being a 'not-so-fair' chaser, we lost. Ginny and Ron's team was awesome. Ron has excellent keeper abilities; I should have watched the last match in school. And Ginny, well, she is so awesome that with a little bit of practice, she could be a professional player. She just glides through the air like that. If you are a bit far away and looking at her, it just looks like a dance in the air. I mean people with a lot of experience fly very easily. But Ginny's flying is so- _special. _And the way she handles the quaffle is amazing. She can even play without passing the quaffle to other player, I mean she can just throw it in the air easily and catch before I know. God I'm rambling, but she is really amazing. I never stood a chance against her. But well, am a seeker, you can't blame me.

And when she was playing I noticed it again, _her hair_. It caught the sunlight again. It looked beautiful. And her hair looked so silky. You know, I wonder how it feels like; touching her hair.

**July 31: **  
Today is my birthday! Yeah I'm usually not excited about my birthday but this time I am celebrating with the Weasleys! And what's more even Remus was here!

But not everything was quiet alright outside the house. Now with Voldemort out in the open many lives are in danger. Remus said that Karkaroff was killed by the death eaters.

And apparently Florean Fortescue is missing. He used to give me free ice creams during my summer before third year, when I was stuck in Diagon Alley. When things were getting worse like this, Mr Weasley mentioned that Ollivander is missing too. If Voldemort has him, it will not be good at all.

For some reason I feel Ollivander is with Voldemort. Probably he wants to know about what happened in Graveyard in the ending of my fourth year.

Things are not looking good at all. Voldemort has started doing stuff. Now everyone is in danger more than ever. And thinking about all this kind of puts a sudden burden upon me. Even though there are rumours about me being 'The Chosen one', it is not completely false. At least according to the prophecy I have gotta kill him.

Best Birthday ever, _yeah._

**A/N: Ok, before you might yell at me, let me tell you Harry's birthday tea was a 'gloomy one' and that is why I put it in a sadder note. But you all know how sixth year is, things do start to show up being good (even though it's bad in the end.)**

**And I told you about Harry being ooc, because Harry's brain and my brain have got mixed up and I tried my best in putting this. Most of the time I felt like I was writing a summary of sixth year- and it is not how it's supposed to be. I referred HBP like some science text book. I know it is stupid, but I had to check in for a bit of dates.**

**Well anyway, now that you have read it please let me know how I have done. Constructive criticisms are very much welcome, but please no flames.**

**And yes, if you are authors reading my story you do know how much you wait for a review from your readers, I do too. So please, I just write stuff like many of you do and I want a few reviews. So that is all I ask. Please review. (Don't be angry at me if my A/N or even my story is stupid. I was kind of in a hurry to get this chapter up, so I could have done something stupid).**


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